Sooooooo groan.
And read on!
***
DOWN TO PENNEYS
Ashlee was broke, folks. No joke!
With (La)cost of clothes and her Limited budget,
Ashlee felt clothes-deprived!
And when you're clothes-deprived —
How do you survive?
I mean, how happy can you be —
With clothes as old as Anthropologie.
I mean, GEE!
How happy can you be —
When your Perse is empty!
But Ashlee was not your normal poor folk!
Because Ashlee was: Young, Fabulous and Broke.
And Ashlee was on a Rampage —
To keep up her stylin' image.
What do you do when you have money woes —
When you don't have money to buy new clothes?
One thing is positively FOR SURE:
You can’t exist without Juicy Couture!
Ashlee was scrappin' —
Then a wonderful thing happened
SHE WAS LIKE ‘SEE'RS’
It was like an epiphany:
It was really uncanny!
It was such good luck !
Lightning had struck.
It was a B-"rainstorm" -
A True Religion transform!
And you'll never Guess what —
Ashlee’s Eureka moment was?
Ashlee, being quite the smarty,
Envisioned having a Clothes Swap party!
Oh, Y.E.S.!!
She'd get that Marc Jacobs dress yet!
Oh! Wow and Woopee!
Now she'd get BCBG!
Ashlee WAS sooo relieved —
Because Ashlee staunchly believed:
Money cannot buy happiness —
Unless it's money for a little, black dress!
NICKEL AND ‘DIAMOND’!
Who needs money,
When you've got brains, honey?
And Ashlee showed no Buffalo brains —
When she chose to have this Clothes Exchange.
When Ashlee Express-ed her notion,
The Starlettes Gap-ped (errr . . . gasped) with emotion.
It was such a Splendid idea:
A no-money panacea!
It was such a fun ploy –
That would bring tons of Joie.
And rows and rows —
Of Real Clothes.
A way to get Arden B.
And also Sunny Leigh.
Kensie. Alfani.
Tahari. Armani.
And We Be Free!
Oh, me.
A total shopaholic —
Frolic!
WET SEAL THE DEAL!
Ashlee's fab' Theory was —
All the big buzz!
Soon, word spread —
To everyone who loved thread!
A clothes-swap was the cure:
The way to get LuLu Couture!
The way to get earrings —
Choos, Perses and other bling!
The Starlettes got so Unplugged,
They gave each other hugs.
This was a win-win.
Time to begin, then!
AMERICAN GIRL TIME!
Give it a think:
Ashlee, INC
It had always been in Ashlee's mind —
To have a career in clothes design!
So: Was this Ashlee's big sign —
To start her own clothes line?
Y.E.S.
You "Bet"-sey!
She'd reinvent every old dress —
And create designs to impress.
She'd sew designer copies —
And they wouldn't be sloppies!
Her clothes would be Sugar Lips!
They would become ego-trips!
Her clothes would be unique —
And turn people into chic!
No clothes would be finer —
She'd be a top designer!
And in her Parallel universe —
Her clothes would have great worth.
She’d appeal to girls’ vanity –
And all Citizens of Humanity.
In this Alternative Earth —
Her designs would be FIRST!
Ashlee's designs would be loved by Plenty —
Especially the Rich and Skinny!
But enough —
of this ego stuff.
SMART AS WALMART
Since teens bought on Impulse —
She’d have great results!
Haute Hippie.
Yippee!
Missoni.
Everyone wanted it.
French Connection.
Every girl's confection!
Woo! Hoo!
XOXO.
Philip Lim.
Miss Me Denim.
Isabel Lu.
Tahari, too.
We Be Free.
Oui!
Ashlee was only a Coach lass,
But she’d swap with First Class:
She’d get Lizzie’s St. John knits—
And Skylar’s Prada outfits.
BRIGHTON UP!
Well: Time for Ashlee to be a whiz —
And get down to shop-biz!
Ashlee had a Crew of one.
Yes, Chloe was in on all the fun!
Ten-year-old Chloe was Ashlee's sister —
Who loved Hollister and looked A-lister!
Without Baby Phat , looking Forever 21,
Chloe 'tween chatted about clothes a ton!
Ashlee and Chloe got off to a good start —
By filling up the Laundry cart!
Then, they hit all the thrift shops —
And collected Majestic skirts and tops.
In one thrift store, the girls found bags —
Of Kohl’s
and even some American Rags.
In another thrift store, they got cast-offs —
Natorious enough to make them scoff.
But then they went UGG!
Because the clothes were so cute-y-bug!
"Wow" and then – and over and over again:
The girls became ambitious ironers —
And Chanel-led up the famous designers.
And they got quite a stitch —
Out of Abercrombie and Fitch!
They applied Lilly appliqués —
To American Eagle berets.
And added Aqua accents —
Without any great expense.
They made jewelry "to-Dior-for"
So everyone could afford more.
So what if Ashlee, INC wasn't a famous name —
Not everyone could be Elizabeth and James.
Everyone was sooo impatient —
to snap up Ashlee's cute creations.
Her clothes were just too slick:
Ashlee was "Rock and Republic"!
CACHE ON DISPLAY
The day before Clothes Swap Day,
The clothes were put on display —
And they were arranged in rows —
To best showcase the clothes.
The Starlettes loved being able to preview —
The clothes before their big debut!
After all, 7 for All Mankind
(Chloe and the Six Starlettes)
Were all looking for that special find!
When the girls saw the clothes, they all started raving!
Seeing all the Lucky Brands put them in Seventh Haven!
And when one girl delivered her Rachel Roy —
She brought the whole place lots more Joie!!
Everyone knew what the Clothes Exchange meant.
It meant getting Vince without paying a cent.
It was Petticoat Alley!
It was Lilly of the Valley!
Skylar's Nanette Lapore.
Sallee's Michael Kors!
Lizzie's Gucci!
Jinnie's Pucci!
Sallee's trench Burberry,
And Bekka's old Theory.
There was Levi —
And DKNY.
H&M and Delia's,
Charlotte Russe and Stella’s.
All the girls were psyched!
Every brand they liked.
But Trust Me, no ‘food’ling. There was one missy -
Who was in a terrible tizzy.
Should Lizzie give up her Candies and Pastry?
That idea was soooo not tasty!!
Peanuts had her eye on a red Coach leash.
Peanut was loving L.A.M.B. and acting nouveau riche!
Jinnie sooo wanted some argyle and plaid —
And the checkered Armani socks got her really glad!
Bekka spied a faboosh Kate Spade —
And couldn't wait to make her trade!
When Sallee saw some blue Juicy sweats —
She wanted them even more than debts.
Skylar was in a frenzy —
Over Louis Vuitton and Kensie.
Valentino.
Malandrino.
Alice+Olivia, Cynthia Steffe, Tory Burch!
Volce Vita, Rebecca Taylor, James Perse.
Lilzzie was loving all the loot!
She especially adored the Ferragamo boots.
Ashlee's Clothes Swap had caught on so quick —
Kids all over were going Bananas Republic!
Bebe, This Clothes Swap had become huge-prime!
This Clothes Swap was now BIG TIME!
BOYCOTT.ON!
There was a whole lot of noise —
Being made about the boys:
All the Starlettes were buzzed.
What a lovefest this was.
Yes, the Starlettes were in love —
But not with the ball and glove!
SALLEE: I love Tommy.
LIZZIE: Marc's for me
BEKKA: Calvin's my fave!
SKYLAR: No, Ralph's the rage.
ASHLEE: Michael rocks my socket!
JINNIE: I love Jake and Rocket!
The Starlettes were definitely singing ‘hymns’—
But these songs were no ‘Hims’!
All this noise —
was DEFINITELY not about boys.
From head to toes.
These girls were Red Haute about CLOTHES!
‘SAK’ IT!
Ashlee couldn’t wait for the Clothes Exchange tomorrow.
For her it meant: "Never having to say you'll borrow!"
For the Starlettes, the Clothes Exchange was cool —
So cool they came up with a new Starlette Rule:
Don’t ever check out the rags —
Until you’ve checked the back tags!
The Starlettes could not be stopped:
They intended to shop ’til they dropped.
The Starlettes now had a new calling:
It was called SWAPPING - not ‘MALLING’!
The best part was – this buzz:
It was a shopping spree!
Y.E.S.
A total fantasy!
And it was Free People. free!
THE ‘EVE’NING BEFORE THE CLOTHES SWAP
The worst part of the Clothes Swap was —
This buzz:
A fierce, fashionista Ghost could be found —
floating around —
surveying the ground —
Wanting that red gown.
This Ghost was a total spook —
Who wanted to steal the loot -
And was eager to cause upheaval —
Because she was totally 'Eva'L!
She caused 'Eva'L wherever she could.
This Ghost was up to no good.
Yes, 'Eva'L was afoot -
And not shopping for CHOOS!
She was one bad "ghoul"! —
Who granted Justice to fools!
She was one Glammin' Ghost
Who loved most to boast —
That it was her Twisted Heart.
That made her so evil-smart.
This Ghost had Ashlee-hate
And she’d seal Ashlee’s fate:
She’d steal Ashlee’s party:
And it would feature: Ed Hardy!
Look who’s in ‘PET’ticoat Alley!
It’s Peanut!
Give her a strut.
Peanut’s all the moan —
Over Rag and Bone!
PEANUT LOVES CLOTHES –
WITH BOWS! WOW!
A good bargain, Peanut can sniff.
She just "nose" she's got the gift!
Peanut is such a fashion hound —
And she’ll look great in that red gown!
When Peanut was on Skylar’s bed —
She misunderstood what Skylar said:
Skylar said she just loved D-O-G!
But Peanut thought she said D&G.
